ASSIGNMENT #2:

After you have received a response for the Unit 2 diagnostic essay from the writing instructor, revise the essay based on what you have learned from the Unit 2 material.  To create a more effective essay, you will likely have to work on some or even all of the objectives included at the beginning of this unit.  As part of your revision, you should do the following:

Underline your thesis statement
Underline the topic sentence for each paragraph
If necessary, revise for appropriate paragraph balance
Underline any transitional words or phrases used to provide unity and coherence
Your instructor will evaluate your revision according to the following criteria:

The introduction clearly identifies the topic and establishes a specific argument
The paper includes a clear thesis statement that provides direction and focus for the essay
Each body paragraph develops the argument established in the introduction
Each body paragraph has a clear focus on one idea
Each body paragraph includes a precise topic sentence
Transitions establish logical connections between paragraphs
Within paragraphs, transitions create connections and relationships between sentences
You should submit your revision as a Word document.

Thesis, Paragraph and Transitions assignment:

STEP ONE: INTRODUCTION AND THESIS

Unit 2 of the Writing Express presents guidelines for writing the introduction. As stated in that unit, academic writing begins by placing the essay in context or clarifying the topic and establishing the central idea or thesis. The thesis offers the reader a general but specific signal for the writer’s direction. Whether your work is to argue, to discuss, or to question, the thesis should clearly and directly establish the focus and content of your paper.  Using the same example from Unit 2, notice how the writer has given an explicit statement for the purpose of the essay.

The Theory of Self-Empowerment 
While reflecting upon the history of the nursing profession, it is important recognize the many theorists who have shaped nursing into what it is today. Throughout time, each of these theorists has had an influence on some aspect of nursing, and they have each inspired the nursing profession to become stronger and better than it was before. The focus of this paper is to discuss two of these influential nursing theories, which were developed by Dorothea Orem and Virginia Henderson, in addition to a non-nursing theory by psychologist Henry Murray. After discussing these three theories, a new nursing theory, entitled the theory of self-empowerment, will be discussed.

In this example, the writer explicitly states the intent of the paper. The following article from Nursing Management, however, takes a different approach. The thesis here is more than one sentence; the intent is not explicitly stated but is implied from the context. The reader, first, must understand the context (health care reimbursement) and then read for the thesis (nurses must implement different models of care to implement the differing pay structures).

Healthcare delivery: Which way do we go?

Each time we think we’ve adjusted to the newest model of healthcare reimbursement, there’s another one around the corner. Considering that billions of dollars per year fund healthcare delivery, dramatic changes in the system must occur or we’ll individually and globally suffer a dramatic financial collapse. Many nurse leaders believe they’re insulated from economic breakdown because “someone” will find a better way to deliver care. However, whether that someone is the government, commercial payers, or lawmakers, the result is the same-less available money. It falls directly on us, nurse leaders closest to the bedside, to implement very different models of care to handle the new payment structures.

STEP TWO: BODY PARAGRAPHS AND TOPIC SENTENCES

Following the introduction, the body of the essay logically and coherently works through the details of the thesis.  Each paragraph is a smaller version of the overall essay in that it begins with a general statement or topic sentence that is connected to the central idea. The topic sentence states the main idea of each paragraph and leads the reader through the paper. Usually placed as the opening sentence of the paragraph, the topic sentence often acts as an explicit claim or an implicit statement and should be in the words and voice of the writer rather than an outside source. Each topic sentence can be thought of as one point to be made in an outline of points explaining the central idea.

Topic Sentences from “The Theory of Self-Empowerment”

As examples, following are some of the topic sentences from the essay “The Theory of Self-Empowerment.” The writer’s thesis is “The focus of this paper is to discuss two influential nursing theories, which were developed by Dorothea Orem and Virginia Henderson, in addition to a non-nursing theory by psychologist Henry Murray. After discussing these three theories, a new nursing theory, entitled the theory of self-empowerment, will be discussed.” The following topic sentences, then, begin each paragraph developing the thesis and leading the reader through the details.  The writer begins to explain this part of the thesis:  “a non-nursing theory by psychologist Henry Murray.”

Henry A. Murray, born in 1893, is considered an American psychologist, although his formal training is in medicine, biochemistry, and research (Anderson, 1999). (paragraph 2)
Around the same time, the Harvard Psychological Clinic was created in order to develop research and advance the science of psychology. Murray was hired as a research assistant, and he began to blur the lines between disciplines, combining ideas from medicine, biochemistry, scientific research, and psychoanalysis (Triplet, 1992). (paragraph 3)
Murray developed the concept of personology and a theory of human personality from his personal experiences and research, as well as from the ideas of Kurt Lewin, Sigmund Freud, and Carl Jung.
In order to explain how personality motivates behavior, Murray developed the need-press theory. (paragraph 4)
To account for the complexity of behavior, Murray also developed the concept of press. Press is a force from the environment, persons or objects, which aids or impedes the achievement of a goal. (paragraph 5)
Murray’s theory of human personality assumes that adaptation occurs as the environment changes, and that behavior is goal directed and affected by both internal and external variables. (paragraph 6)
Notice how each of these topic sentences is connected to the thesis, leading the reader through Murray’s background, his influences, his first theory (need-press theory), and his concept of press, and then continuing by working closely with the theory.

STEP THREE: DEVELOPING PARAGRAPHS

After the topic sentence, the following sentences in a paragraph develop and explain the central point. The basic rule is to develop one idea per paragraph and to arrange information in a particular order. For instance, if the topic sentence makes a claim, the following sentences would act as evidence in the form of research, outside sources, and discussion.  Similarly, if the topic sentence is a point explaining the thesis, the following sentences would offer explanation, definition, and/or examples depending on the genre of the writing. Sources from outside the writer’s text might also be included in this type of writing just as evidence may explain and define.

Notice how the writer of “The Theory of Self-Empowerment” develops the paragraph after the topic sentence. The paragraph develops only the one idea presented in the topic sentence, and each sentence follows in a logical order to the end of the paragraph.

Henry A. Murray, born in 1893, is considered an American psychologist, although his formal training is in medicine, biochemistry, and research (Anderson, 1999). While working as a medical intern at the New York Presbyterian Hospital, Murray formed a close relationship with several patients, and according to Triplet (1992) “from their self-revelations, he gained a great appreciation for the role of subjective experience in determining the course of their convalescence” (p. 301). Murray’s interest in psychology grew, and he began reading the works of Carl Jung, a popular analytical psychiatrist at the time. Eventually, Murray met with Jung and was so inspired by their discussion that he left the medical field and fully converted himself to the study of psychology (Anderson, 1999).

Paragraph Structure:

You might think of the paragraph structure (and the entire essay) as an inverted triangle or, as some teach, a funnel moving from the larger top down to the funnel’s smaller end; the large general idea from the top until the topic is developed and explained to the narrowest idea at the end of the paragraph. Here is a link giving visual examples of paragraph structure:

http://www.webster.edu/academic-resource-center/writingcenter/writing-tips/paragraph.html

Paragraphs should also look balanced on a page. If you see two well-developed paragraphs and suddenly there is one that is very brief, ask yourself if that short one is part of the previous idea and, therefore, should be incorporated into the previous paragraph, or if you have presented a new idea but have not developed it. Following is a link that gives a visual representation of the balance of paragraphs on a page:

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/606/02/

STEP FOUR: CREATING COHEREANCE: TRANSITIONS

A paragraph must also have coherence; thoughts must flow logically so that all the ideas fit together to create a credible connection.  The same unity is required from paragraph to paragraph. There are several ways to achieve these connections, such as repeating key words or phrases or structuring parallel sentences. Another important writing strategy for tying ideas together is transitions or transitional phrases. Transitions are words or phrases that make logical connections between sentences within a paragraph, between parts of a sentence, and between paragraphs in an essay. Transitions signal a relationship between ideas and guide the reader from one thought to the next. Without these connections, writing loses focus and unity. The writer must think critically about how to lead the reader through the logic of the work.

This paragraph follows the paragraph example above. Notice the transition to this paragraph and the transitions within the paragraph that create coherence. (Transition and transitional phrases underlined)

Around the same time, the Harvard Psychological Clinic was created in order to develop research and advance the science of psychology. Murray was hired as a research assistant, and he began to blur the lines between disciplines, combining ideas from medicine, biochemistry, scientific research, and psychoanalysis (Triplet, 1992). Murray referred to his research on human personality as personology. Drawing on his background in medicine, he believed that personality was a function of brain processes. He rejected the idea of personality as being its own tangible entity. Instead, he viewed personality as a product of physiology and the cause of human behavior (Engler, 2009).

The following links offer lists of transitional devices and the connections or relationships created with their use. Notice that the lists are divided by the relationship created by the transitions.

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/574/02/

Click to access transitions.pdf

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